Spin Cycles and Self Love

I appreciate myself as I spin endlessly in my thoughts of what am I really doing. It is a non-stop spin cycle in the dryer of very clean and well laundered thoughts that have just one pesky little characteristic – they rarely get to an end recipient with a potent outcome because they remain in tumble rather than out, folded and delivered.

I appreciate this lovely real world way of seeing it and I know that when I open the dryer at will all of the fluffy clean warm welcome “things” are there to be welcomed with open arms.

I appreciate this imagery so much it is making me feel joyful and touch my own enthusiasm.

I realize enthusiasm is something I want to pass on, or have as an outcome from any and all things that I “do.”

I’ve been realizing the un-flow that occurs for me when I say “go make another client” which is like I used to joke “get an erection” = something you don’t do without flow and without a kind of lead-up – that my process will be more enjoyable as I have a process not an outcome goal, the process goal being “share with x people for the sake of generating enthusiasm for their life in them.”

I’m thinking of one guy at the coworking space who’s lovely and who is also in a spin cycle of his own, generating busy work and some money and in the spin mind of “never enough money.” I know I’ve been in spin mind of “unwanted product” since being on my own not in our company or one of my former employers’ companies. Like there’s not a landing spot for what I am offering, an unwantedness for it. Yet my rational mind knows there is a need, a desire and a wantedness for being clear we want who we are and what we offer. Wantedness, self-love actually. Our life force flow and the results of the flow being wanted, desired, cherished.

I think in the spin of life it’s this wantedness, this cherishedness, this even appropriateness, this celebratedness that is part of wholesomeness, part of wholehearted living as Brene Brown would say. And this is what I’ve longed for and what I began building yesterday: wanting me. Me wanting me.

I don’t mean the kind of want that is lack. I mean the self-cherishing, self-desiring, self-receiving, not ego-driven, heart-full childlike lovely okayness of being and enjoying and sharing me and my gift of a lifetime at such a core level that inspires others to do so, also.

Taking commercialism off the table, leaving beautiful engagements of service and money exchange that throw off as a byproduct deep reverence and high joy.

Cultivating this in myself, stoking this, so I can catalyze self-stoking by those I encounter. Having a day full of process goals of sharing this paddle wheel of flow and energy and enthusiasm creation knowing part of it is sharing the possibility of engaging people in this for themselves and that’s where my pot of gold lies.

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